Breaking up with creating art

Leaning into the uncertainty of process instead of the destination of process

colorful collage scraps piled on each other

Dear reader,

This is my last letter until August. I’m so ready for a break and am struggling to understand where January through May have gone. You, too?

This year looks much different than I anticipated. I am in the process of breaking up with creating art. More accurately, detangling a network I was so convinced was the way to work. Idea, concept, subject, or theme packaged neatly in a collection. A rigid 8-20 pieces of work that exemplified the deep inquiry I studied to bring this work to life. This false narrative feels too restrictive, though—if I don’t have the time, energy, space to dedicate to bringing a collection to life, I feel stunted. Like I can’t create as fast as my mind is making. As fast as my mind thrived obsesses with organizing thoughts.

Though, while I type that, I realize I am unsure how I anticipated the year. I purposely pointed myself towards my values to participate in activities that felt more honest to me instead of waiting to experience life once I arrived. I feel like I am at a point where I am picking up energy, a clarity, I haven’t felt in a while. A feeling I can’t help but feel excited to embrace.

Seemingly, I think I’m more closer to process now than I ever have been. And finding this cadence, making art that responds to each moment, is bringing home something that feels incredibly right. While my mind loves compartmentalizing, my body isn’t matching this energy.

Recently, a few experiences encouraged me to do something familiar that I haven’t done in some time. And I started to make seemingly unconnected art in secret. I rekindled with collage, creating random monotypes, and even started exploring AI. Honestly, it’s taking effort to embrace this kind of uncertainty. To focus more on the moment of making.

And nothing catastrophic is happening.

My “art” is still “art.” The containers are fading away.

As I move towards this break in June and July, I am eager to hit a pause on content creation and offer all my attention to the art that has no box. To create just because process pulled me in that way. Not to make a thing. But to be present while creating. And lean into the uncertainty of process instead of the destination of process.

I opened side-b this month as a place to celebrate process, and it’s quickly become my favorite place to “publish” (in the loosest tense) my process. I am seeing how exploratory I can be. How recording life is a poem in itself. While my letters and podcast will be on pause, side-b is how I work. And I am looking forward to celebrating process, and being in that space this summer.

Talk soon,

Lauren

xx

P.S. Side-b is open—a pay-what-you-want digital and print publication. Like flipping through the pages of a magazine or leisurely perusing the Sunday newspaper, Side-b returns to the nostalgia of slowing down and being intimate with physical inspiration. This publication makes stops at writing entries, curated playlists, gathered inspiration, and project development. Learn more and join here →

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• Currently reading: Think Again, Adam Grant

Listen to: the latest Viewfinder episode

If we haven’t had the pleasure of meeting—I’m Lauren Sauder, an artist, writer, and mentor. If you enjoyed this post, here are a few ways you can connect with me:

• Download the Artist Mixtape—a mix of books, playlists, and residencies to provide inspiration and company in the studio.

• Receive letters from me—bi-weekly letters from me about what I’m working through in my creative practice and life.

• Enlist me as your mentor—if you are a creative interested in support and guidance to grow your creative practice.

• Get in touch with me directly—send an email to laurensauderstudio@gmail.com.