Glow-up gone wrong

Steps towards a better version of me

The colors of the sunset.

Dear reader,

Every quarter, I look forward to getting my haircut. It feels like one of the largest acts of self-care I provide myself on a routine basis. Having someone massage, brush, and clip my hair makes me feel at ease. After enduring a season like this fall, I felt so ready to enter my glow-up era.

A glow-up is a transformation in one's appearance and lifestyle—often noticeable and for the better. It seems like everyone is entering some sort of glow-up era these days, crawling out of the depths of the pandemic looking fresher, younger, and more confident than ever. A lot of my motivation behind wanting this glow-up was to take a step towards helping myself feel better. I wanted a change. I wanted to feel renewed. I wanted to experience a new wave of confidence.

The irony of all of this is that a turn-key glow-up doesn’t exist, and it isn’t actually a cure for feeling unwell. It requires you to put in effort beyond one haircut. No matter how much external transformation happens, the body really does keep the score. And my ideas for my glow-up ended with me leaving my hair appointment with the news that I was showing symptoms of alopecia.

My hair is quite literally falling out. I have five total spots revealing my scalp, varying from a dime, a penny, to a quarter in size. I’ve sat in silence about it. I’ve cried about it. I’ve laughed about it. I’ve told just a few of my closest people about it.

Behind the appearance of a glow-up, a transformation has to happen in lifestyle, too. It’s about becoming the best version of yourself.

Dear reader, I am sad and disappointed. My calendar is filled with doctor’s appointments, and the months (unfortunately) aren’t waiting for me to feel better magically. While I wanted this season to end much differently, I am starting to think my body is showing me what I need to figure myself out on a deeper level. To navigate this glow-up not only focused on looking my best but feeling my best, too. I am figuring out what I need right now. And once I do, I will return to writing <3

Talk soon,

Lauren

If we haven’t had the pleasure of meeting—I’m Lauren Sauder, an artist, writer, and mentor. If you enjoyed this post, here are a few ways you can connect with me:

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