When everything in me is shouting to tune it out
When everything in me is shouting to tune it out
I can’t help but tune more in
Dear reader,
This past week has been particularly interesting. I can tell I’ve crossed from my follicular phase to my luteal phase. I’m tired, overanalyzing, cranky, upset, stressed, low, sad. I’m caught up in the news, bouncing between the United States presidential election and Alabama's in vitro fertilization updates. I read news articles about Aaron Bushnell. And watched as a woman on TikTok buckled her embryos into a cart at Target. I read Julia Bedell’s newsletter about law being a fickle beast. M came down with bronchitis. And an electrical line caught my neighbor’s tree on fire near 11 PM.
Typing this makes me realize just how much my body is carrying. When everything in me is shouting to tune it out—I can’t help but tune more in.
I watched as another video told me that collectively, our nervous systems were never meant to hold this much. This complex part of my body was never meant to coordinate an overload of actions and sensory information transmitting signals throughout my body.
On Google, I can see a three-dimensional depiction of this complex system. I can move a transparent body by clicking on an area and dragging it in the direction I want it to move. Brain, spinal cord, intercostal nerve, median nerve, sciatic nerve, femoral nerve, and tibial nerve. Each one is highlighted with a white bubble. Clicking on it expands a box on the right side of my screen. On a continuum, my sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems work to alert and return my system to standard activity levels respectively.
It’s already March and the weather is rapidly becoming spring. We had a thunderstorm just a few weeks ago—a strange occurrence during what is supposed to be the height of winter. Birds are starting to rise early and flowers are beginning to bloom.
I feel like we’re both in a threshold. The earth and I. The moment just before and the time right after. Between what is and what will be. I know this period of preparation is both fleeting and necessary. And yet my mind continues to play games on me. Questioning my every move, my every inaction, as if I am unreliable. As if my nervous system has gone rogue.
Recently, I read a caption from Roni Nicole. It shared “I’m looking forward to meeting the people who show up for me and my art. I’m looking forward to healing. I’m looking forward to taking my time….I got all my life to be the artist I dreamed of. At this point I’m just going to enjoy being an artist.”
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Talk soon,
Lauren
xx
P.S. A very warm thank you for letting me in your inbox this week to share about my new class, Process Class. When you are ready to deepen your creative process, you can join me here→
Currently reading: How to Keep a House While Drowning by K.C. Davis
Currently watching: One Day
Listen to: the latest Viewfinder episode
If we haven’t had the pleasure of meeting—I’m Lauren Sauder, an artist, writer, and mentor. If you enjoyed this post, here are a few ways you can connect with me:
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