Have fun, don't judge.

Embracing the uncomfortableness of dreams

styling on of my newest art prints on a shelf

Dear reader,

I have 113 videos stored on my phone. In part, it’s one of the ways I spent my summer. Scrolling through them this morning to better organize how they’re stored, I’m reminded of the efforts it takes to learn something new. And I’m also reminded of my note pinned at the top of my Notion page, “HAVE FUN. AND DON’T JUDGE.”

It can be an incredible challenge to start something new especially when the new thing has a high learning curve for me. Creating these videos has been this for me. I’ve dabbled in video creation before, but I wanted to bring intention this time. I tried to approach it seriously and put effort into learning new skills. I had an end goal. I wanted to start a TikTok and YouTube that would celebrate my process and share my new artwork.

This decision came about halfway through summer. After about a year and a half of focussing my attention on my full time job, working to find more presence, and actively using that presence to be in process with my art, I had felt like all the tiny pieces were coming together. I kept leaning into my year’s abstract. It’s held me accountable to my values. It’s kept me focused on what I merit most as an artist. Who I want to be, and the art I want to create. And I feel grounded in the artwork that is resulting from my intentions. And for the first time in several years, the dream of moving back into being a full time artist is coming back into sharp focus.

It’s becoming clear to me that I am building momentum behind this new work. I feel it. The people around me are feeling it. I had excitement to start recording some of my process. In doing so, I started collecting all these short videos. It became a new way for me to document what I notice. It gave me an opportunity to curate in new ways. I started telling stories about my artwork.

Diving back into social media came with its own bag of uncomfy to unpack. One I honestly didn’t even consider at the onset of recording videos and playing with how I could curate them together to share the process of my work. When I first started posting on TikTok and YouTube, I felt a ping of vulnerability. It’s something that I haven’t felt in some time. I felt exposed. Like all of a sudden our intimate relationship was now out in the open.

I let myself process the feeling. Sometimes doing things worthwhile are vulnerable. It’s not a feeling I have to shy away from. My anxious brain getting ahead of itself. At this point in my career, I’ve built such a foundation in my work. I feel completely and utterly confident in who I am as an artist. The short, small glimpses of my work is nothing compared to the way writing has encouraged me to process and share my inner most thoughts. I’m at the beginning of this. My views on each video is small, my following even smaller. It’s clear this feeling can lead to me getting in my own way. So, I keep posting. And with each post, it gets easier. The feelings fade away, and the excitement, the momentum for this new work resurfaces.

I’m still making my first couple of pancakes. The ones where you’re getting used to the temperature of the stove, the thickness of the batter, and the preparations in the pan. They’re awkward. They’re messy. They may in fact not even be good. The effort is worth it. Eventually, (and hopefully) I’ll create a tasteful buffet. Which is why I wrote at the top of my Notion page, “HAVE FUN. AND DON’T JUDGE.” Because all dreams start somewhere.

Talk soon,

Lauren

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• Currently reading: Becoming by Michelle Obama

• Currently watching: Emily in Paris

• Currently excited for: the Mentees I am onboarding in October!

Listen to: Gather, the latest Viewfinder episode

If we haven’t had the pleasure of meeting—I’m Lauren Sauder, an artist, writer, and mentor. If you enjoyed this post, here are a few ways you can connect with me:

• Download the Artist Mixtape—a mix of books, playlists, and residencies to provide inspiration and company in the studio.

• Receive letters from me—bi-weekly letters from me about what I’m working through in my creative practice and life.

• Enlist me as your mentor—if you are a creative interested in support and guidance to grow your creative practice.

• Get in touch with me directly—send an email to laurensauderstudio@gmail.com.